I forgive myself for accept and allow myself to press my self to be perfect.
I forgive myself for accept and allow myself to get on my nerves toward myself, be apathy to my self , I didn’t realize that I am less than the thought and emotions , anxiety, fear.
I forgive myself that I accept and allow myself make an evaluation at my preparing performance to be bad, not ok, unacceptable, need to be fraustrated , I didn’t realize that I do not need these judgments /polarity to against, defeat and push myself mentally and I can feel it also manifested and accumulated in my chest which obstacle my breath in and out.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed my self to feel deeply sorry to myself that I abuse my physical by these garbage thoughts which I could totally learn to aware and stop them: I am not a qualified human being to be alive, because I am not intellectual or talented in language and writing.
I forgive myself that I accept and allow myself to feel deeply sorrow because I want to boost myself to be more , more than I was.
I forgive myself that I accept and allow my self to press my chest that it turns into a hard, tight, harsh, sever, full of disappointed thoughts: I am disappointed to you because you are not perfect enough ,you need to speed up you are too lazy rather than do it slowly but surely, in your own tempo, and in discipline, without so much pressure and negative-positive polarities cycling monologue .
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be anxious, when I find that I was giving pressures to my body and think in useless way ,I could stop and back to here.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be anxious, fear,furry, sorrow, hate, disappointed, frustrated , must be hurry, could stop my self, I could take a more deep breath to breathe the fresh air, relive my chest though it contained so much thoughts at this point which almost makes me to be nausea, dizzy.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to push my self to be good instead of realize my true value is no less than any other creature and equal and one to all, and I do not aware that I am here, I am the value ,do not to be approved by anyone or anything.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to crumble my confidence,so as to make/define myself ”better” ,”sooner” ,”advanced” ,”worse””deteriorate””superior””inferior””down””up”, I didn’t see that I don’t need these recycling (+ ,- )evaluation to separate myself in several points: I need/desire to be good, fear to be bad, I need/desire to learn faster and apprehensive these article faster than I can do, I am afraid to fall behind the instructions, which I can totally back to my learning schedule by revise and adjustment, rather than just give up and do it in a rush. And I promise myself to keep writing and return to breath , stop the thoughts doing damage to my body.